i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
