I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
