I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
