I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
