Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
