Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
