i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
