if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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