i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
