we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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