And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
