So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
