you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
