Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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