What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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