why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
