I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
