how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
