Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
