dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
