We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
