I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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