dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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