weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
