This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Small penises have feelings too.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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