Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
