I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
