capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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