I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I could fuck to npr.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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