So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize