Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
