We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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