you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
