Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well you can't waste a boner
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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