I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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