So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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