If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
