and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
