i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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