Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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