I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
