i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
