we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
