1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
