4 words: hood of his car
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
