the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize