But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
