I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
