I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
