as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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