I have demons in me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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