So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
