I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
