i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
