so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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