did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
