He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
