Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize