I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
