Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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