you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
