i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
