so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
