Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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