READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
