so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
