Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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