If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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