mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two words: blizzard sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
