I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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