I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
