sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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