I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
