so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
