Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
