I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
